BDSM Safety

Meeting new people:

  • Give new friends your first name / scene name / Fetlife name / scene specific E-mail address
    NOT your last name, home address, where you work, phone number, etc.
  • Meet new people in public places. (Munches/socials/classes/open dungeon parties.)
    Play with new people in public play spaces.
    If someone refuses to meet you in public, that’s a big red flag!
  • Get references. Check people out with others in the scene that you trust.
    Pay attention to what people don’t say as well as what they do say.
  • Check ID if you’re in any doubt someone is of age.
  • Don’t play under the influence of alcohol, drugs or with someone under the influence.

Safe calls: (Useful when playing privately with someone you don’t know well.)

  • Tell a trusted friend (who will not be with you) who and where you will meet.
  • Arrange a time to check in. Arrange secret words you will say if you are OK or need help.
  • Before agreeing to go somewhere else, tell your safe call where you are going.
  • Arrange a time by which they should expect to hear from you.
  • Call them (so they hear your voice) after you are away from your date (back to a public place).

Negotiate play with your clothes on! (And out of bondage) Things to discuss:

  • Safewords to be used. Do you get non-verbal when in subspace?
  • What you know you want and what you know you don’t want.
  • How long you expect to play.
  • Any physical limitations, existing injuries, disabilities, medications you are taking.
  • Whether bruises or other marks are acceptable and where on your body they are okay.
    (Do you have a doctor appointment or workout at the gym scheduled soon?)
  • Dump out the toy bag! Put toys you don’t want used on you back in the bag.
  • Is sex on the menu? Don’t make assumptions! Don’t expect your partner to read your mind or “hints”.
  • Discuss aftercare needs before the scene starts!
  • Once the scene starts, don’t “negotiate up” (Don’t ask for, or agree, to something not negotiated before starting).
  • It is okay to “negotiate down” or call an end to the scene, as either a top or bottom, if something doesn’t feel right.

Impact play:

  • Stick to the meaty areas of the body: Butt, thighs, upper back/shoulders
  • Avoid impact to: kidneys (lower back), other vital organs, neck/spine, joints, mucus membranes, eyes, ears, previous injuries.
  • Avoid “wrapping” the tail of whip around torso, arm, etc. Tip(s) will hit hard.

Hygiene:

  • Clean equipment before and after use.
  • Practice safe sex with new partners!
  • Use appropriate barriers to avoid semen to blood or blood to blood contact.
  • Put latex (or nitrile) on body parts that will come in contact with mucus membranes.
  • Contain your bodily fluids. Use condoms/towels/”chucks”/tarps if necessary.
  • Put gloves on before handling sharps containers.
  • Don’t fling whips that already have blood on them.
  • Carry plastic bags to put contaminated toys in.
  • If you get blood or other bodily fluids on a toy that can’t be cleaned,
    use it only on that person from now on. (Present it as a gift or bag and label it in your toy bag.)

Emotional Safety:

  • Don’t put your dick in crazy! Don’t wrap your holes around crazy!
    Not everyone is well adjusted. Free sex may not be worth the price.
  • Check in with your partner the day after play.
  • Don’t let anyone tell you there is only one true (“twue”) way to do BDSM.
  • If you feel your consent has been violated, speak up as soon as you are able.
  • Don’t put blind trust in “community leaders”.